How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
