I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
