I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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