Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
