My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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