Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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