Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
