cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
