I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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