I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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