direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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