Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
