in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
