So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
