you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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