went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
