Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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