end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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