smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
