cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
