you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
