I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
