i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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