I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
