I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
