So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
