I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
