You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
