Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize