i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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