you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
