Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
