i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
