I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
