We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's intense
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize