Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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