captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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