im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
