It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
