dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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