I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
