i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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