I will die if light touches me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
