Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
