They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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