Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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