Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
false alarm. still invincible.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
