You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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