i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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