Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
