Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
