No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
