Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
