i don't plan on having that self control this summer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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