I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
