I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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