So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize