Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
