My underwear smells like fireworks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
