I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
