Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
