I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
