U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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