So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
