My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
