you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My vagina just clenched in fear
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