So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
