Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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