woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
