Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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