it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
